Maybe it's just built into "the system." But one thing's for sure: I'm not alone. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex.They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage.Instead of realizing that a car can't really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, "Well, I guess that wasn't the one will give me lasting fulfillment.") But the emptiness continued. That is, their perspective on the whole thing is very different from a guy's.So, finally, I came to the conclusion that premarital sex wasn't all it's cracked up to be. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, "But I love him," even if she doesn't really want to go through with it. It's been said that, "Girls use sex to get love; guys use love to get sex." This is how it works: the girl is picturing marrying the guy some day; the guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl before he goes back to tell his buddies about it.Here's what I mean: most of the girls I've been with are now married to other men.When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn't done what I've done. Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her? They're someone else's future wife, someone else's daughter, sister, etc.And the guy -- who doesn't treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage -- still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife. And consequently they'll have better and more frequent sex because they respect each other more and love each other more deeply.Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people, even if we call it "casual." The problem is this: the more I bond with other girls, the less I'll be able to bond with my future wife.
As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time.
If you have a girlfriend now and feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday. That's what I mean by "sex killed my best relationships." People can relate on many different levels -- emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually.
But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship.
I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this -- he doesn't respect her, she knows it, and she doesn't trust him, so she doesn't want to give herself to him.
It's very sad, and more common than you might think.