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And the desires of men everywhere in the world should differ in the same ways from those of women. Now there's convincing new evidence that this is so.

It comes from the International Sexuality Description Project, led by David P. The projects findings appear in the July 2003 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

"It is perfectly legitimate for people to be clear about what they do and do not want in a partner." Williams agrees with Schmitt and Fisher that men and women have innate desires wired deep into the brain.

But he stresses the importance of other brain wiring -- that which gives us reason.

Women want to know their potential partners significantly longer before sex.

Yet another difference points to the origin of the dumb-blonde stereotype: The minds of men.

Or as my college roomie used to say, 'God will throw a sexy woman in your path every six months.' So don't fan any coals that come your way. One member of a relationship has to switch strategies. "People abandon their long-term sex strategy in favor of a short-term strategy because of lust," Williams says. I think the most dangerous thing is to fall in love." The least dangerous kind of an affair, he says, is the kind of one-night stands that happen at a convention or a conference where people part and never meet again.

"If you look at what men want in a short-term mating partner, a sexual partner as opposed to a marriage partner, they prefer below-average intelligence." These different desires hold true regardless of whether women or men are married or single, heterosexual or homosexual. Schmitt's findings also support basic differences between men and women in what they want in a marriage partner.But when they opt to do so, they show these desires." Another big difference: Men are ready to say "yes" to sex much more quickly than women.They say they'd need to know a person only a relatively short time before consenting to sex."What we are talking about is that when they go for infidelity or promiscuity, men focus on large numbers and women focus on quality." What really irks Schmitt is that many people interpret this finding to mean that women are designed to be faithful but men are predestined to be promiscuous. Instead, both women and men are fully equipped for one-night stands and lifelong relationships.Schmitt and colleagues asked men and women all over the world about what they wanted from long-term and short-term sexual relationships."If you honor fidelity as important to you and your relationship, it is a matter of your own integrity to honor that."And, as the Catholics say, there is the issue of avoiding proximate occasions of sin. When people tell me they are having an affair, they think the most dangerous part is getting caught.Men prefer women who are intelligent, too, but not as much." These differences really shouldn't surprise anybody, says Helen E.Fisher, Ph D, professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N. Fisher is the author of First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World and Anatomy of Love: The Mysteries of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray, among other works. Men and women are very different creatures," Fisher tells Web MD."These differences aren't as conspicuous as those for short-term desires, but they are still quite distinct," Schmitt says."Long term, men prefer youth and physical attractiveness while women prefer men who are somewhat older, intelligent, and ambitious.

272 comments

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