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Over the following months, I would play with this slightly: I variously described myself as a dreamer, book lover, learner, educator, and writer, someone who views the world with a glass half-full of optimism and a dash of sarcasm.

(Filters are common—especially for women, who often receive a high number of lewd or casual messages from spam profiles, and generic messages from men who send the same note to a swath of profiles.) Of the 708 messages I received over the next fourteen months, 530 ended up in the filtered inbox, which left me with about one message of decent-or-above quality a day.This trickle continued for the next year and two months, averaging two messages a day.I didn’t just wait to be noticed: I also actively messaged others.On the whole, users said they liked my profile and my pictures.One man called the post “incredible,” noting that he was himself a former “serial online dater [who] really longed for this kind of vulnerability, authenticity and depth.” At the time, he was in a relationship, but he also commented, “You sound like you’re intelligent, fun and genuinely have your shit together.” Nonetheless, I hired a professional photographer and tried out different variations on my profile text.The most mathematically promising one—at 99.5 percent—turned out to be one of my existing friends from law school.But almost immediately, I began to notice peculiarities about my experience.You may also start talking to someone only to realize that you are no longer interested in getting to know them better.It can take many exchanges to get to a real live date.Among my single friends, and even in the conversations I overheard between strangers in coffee shops, women using dating sites described being “overwhelmed” and “flooded” with communication.On the day I completed my profile, I received one message; four more appeared over the next two days.

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