Stuart, who had begun to feel like a second-class citizen in the church, could finally begin to feel better about himself, because his sin had been fully recognized by the one he had hurt—his wife.The two have a newfound respect for each other, and the children are doing a lot better, too.As a result, Stuart developed an entirely new respect for her.When Angela chose to forgive her husband, Stuart knew it was for real this time, and he could therefore begin to grieve his losses. Their communication and sex lives were practically nil, and Stuart was worried. After much discussion about various factors in their relationship, I began to find the clues I was looking for. She didn’t know why, and her husband, Stuart, was equally puzzled. I insisted that Stuart stay around for the first few sessions—I wanted to get an idea of their history together.Yet here was Angela about to end it all, with no apparent cause.
Knowing your family heritage can help you change it in your generation so that you do not pass it on to your kids.
Angela claimed that she had forgiven her wayward husband, but I had a hunch that hers had been a surface–only forgiveness and that her depression was the result of buried feelings of hostility toward her unfaithful husband.
After the affair Angela determined to go on as though nothing happened and be a “hero of God’s grace.” She kept a stiff upper lip in their church circle and was viewed as a paragon of virtue.
In her heart, however, Angela was dying a slow death.
Stuart seemed appreciative of her quick forgiveness—after all, that was his style too: His slogans of “Move on,” “Get over it,” and “Don’t look back” helped him to soon forget it too.